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“I have young kids, how do I choose the right dog for our family?”
I get asked this question all the time, I even asked myself the same question when we were thinking of adding a 2nd dog to the mix.
My decision process now – as a mom with two young kids with busy social life, aka many playdates – was different from when I was single and adopted Lola in 2011 from Animal Haven.
Both choices have benefits and challenges. It’s important to consider how much work you want to put in initially and what will be the best fit for your family.
One of the benefits people feel about puppies is, of course, their adorableness and fun nature. Puppies can be raised in your family from a very young age, and you will be there throughout all the stages of their life. However, puppies are a LOT of work and have a lot of energy.
Puppies need to be well socialized (teaching them to feel comfortable with people, sounds, other dogs, and objects). Socialization is about exposing puppies repeatedly to everything in their world, inside and outside the home, in a safe and controlled way. These exposures must be positive, pleasant experiences for the puppy.
Remember when your child was a newborn baby?
In the initial few months, puppies will be a similar amount of work (including potentially some sleep loss).
Some things you and your pup will have to work on:
Pros: Unlike puppies, most adult dogs have some potty training and often just need a refresher when coming into a new home. Depending on the age and temperament of the adult dog, they have a lot less frenetic energy than a puppy and can settle and just hang out with the family. With puppies, you have to raise them from scratch and everything that entails; with adult dogs, you choose the size, age, and temperament of the dog you want and can focus on training. Of course, it is more complicated than that but generally, adopting a mature dog is less time-consuming than getting a puppy.
Cons: With adult dogs, we often don’t know their history, we don’t know if they have bite inhibition, and initially, we don’t know their triggers.
Getting a puppy or an adult dog are both rewarding in their own way; you just have to decide what’s important for your family.
Puppy: Whether a rescue/rehome or a puppy from a breeder, I would choose one that is pro-social to people and dogs, confident, can be easily touched all over, and is not protective of food or toys. One that has been raised with littermates (not a singleton).
Adult rescue/rehomed dogs: I would prefer to foster for a few weeks to see how they do in our home. I would look for one that has been socialized with young children, isn’t fearful when walking in my community or visiting my favorite places, is not protective of spaces or resources from people, and is about 1-5 years old.
Consider your family’s lifestyle and choose a dog that will fit into that lifestyle. Many behavior problems come from a dog not being the right match for the family.
Research the breed if you’re looking to get a puppy from a breeder or rescue a purebred adult.
Every dog is an individual, and dogs do not always conform to breed standards.
Think of the specific puppy or dog you’re looking at, how will they or won’t they be a good fit?
Another thing to consider is how the dog may fit with your other pets or pets of family members who may visit a lot.
Breeder: If you are considering getting a puppy from a breeder, choosing which breeder to use is your most important decision. Poor breeding causes health and behavior problems that are hard to overcome, even if you do everything right and train the puppy once they come home.
Responsible breeders will:
Rescue organization/ shelter: It is important to adopt a dog from a shelter or rescue organization that thoroughly tests for ‘red flag behaviors,’ such as being protective of food, or other resources, severe shyness, doesn’t like being touched, shows aggression toward dogs or people, etc. Even with testing, some dogs suppress behaviors in the rescue shelter environment and show them later once adopted. We often don’t know the socialization and history of the dog and what reactions they may have once in a home environment.
Lola, my heart dog
I got Lola from Animal Haven when she was 8 months old. I wanted a young rescue but not a puppy, a large dog to compete in scent detection, well socialized with people, dogs, and the environment. I was single then, lived with roommates in NYC, and Lola was the perfect dog for me.
Hela, our puppy
We recently got a puppy, this time from a breeder, a Spanish Water Dog. I wanted a medium size dog with easy-to-maintain fur, a fun companion for my children, and a high-energy puppy who likes water but also one that is very trainable. Our current location, Spain, partially determined the choice of the breed.
I know Hela’s parents and grandparents; the breeder did the health tests and focused on early socialization. Her litter was bred for therapy work. But….even if I know way more about her than Lola, I don’t have any guarantees she will turn out as the breeder planned.
Here is an excellent article by Kayla Fratt about 5 Nature vs. Nurture Myths About Dogs: Is Your Dog a Product of Genetics or Environment?
Whether you choose a puppy from a shelter, a breeder, or an adult rescue, who the dog is, is the interaction of many different genes, plus socialization, training, and other life experiences.
Online resources to help your baby and dog get along—right from the start and as they grow up together.
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